“Come a little bit closer baby, get it on, get it on. ‘Cause tonight is the night when two become one”
And a couple dates later, a ring, a white dress and the words “I do” you now have joint income…..
When I got married there were so many changes all at once. The month before the wedding I gave up my two jobs, my friends, my apartment I still had separate from my fiancé’s house, and 90% of my belongings. Out of all those changes, one of the hardest things and that almost two years later I struggle with is financial independence and joint income.
Did you find this finical transition difficult for you?
I’ve always had own money, I bought what I wanted when I wanted and never had to justify to anyone but my self. All of a sudden I’m jobless, trying to decorate and furnish a house, finish planning a wedding (we had everything budgeted for that) and all the other things that come with moving to a new location. My bank account was slowly dwindling so for the first time since I was 15 I had to ask someone else for money, my husband. I felt ashamed and was very hesitant. I explained this to him and he told me “we’re married my money is your money, it’s our money, and you’re spending the money in your account on our house. If you need money ask me.” I accepted the money and didn’t think much more of it. It’s true we were married, I was working on “our” house. The next time I needed money was for my own personal entertainment, I couldn’t ask. I was invited to a music festival by a few of my husband’s cousins, they are all our age and super tight which is nice as I didn’t grow up with family around. Anyways, I really wanted to go but I turned them down because I didn’t have the money to go. My husband found out later I was invited and didn’t go, he was pissed. He was pissed that I turned down hanging out with people when I knew no one, he was pissed that I could of went to this great festival and I didn’t all because I thought I had no money. He told me he would have sent me the money he would have wanted me to go. Again he reiterated that his money is our money if I need some just ask
After a few months, I got hired on as a waitress and a substitute at the schools, so I finally had my own money again, not the same as what I’m used to making for income but I was adjusting. I slowly got better at asking Stephen for money when I needed it, but I’ve never really enjoyed any time I have to ask. Anytime I do ask for money, I feel I need to justify it. This isn’t the way I think it’s supposed to go. Stephen is so great with this whole “our money” thing I just can’t get out of thinking “his” and “mine”. I don’t know how to fix my thinking. We’ve only been married for a year and a half maybe when we have children it will help change my way of thinking.
Did you find the idea of joint income challenging? Did you find having joint accounts made it easier?d