Self-Awareness,Self Esteem and Self Worth

Self-Awareness is conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives and Desire

Yesterday at school I listened to one of the grade 8 students give a speech about Self Awareness. She wrote this as an essay for her English teacher and then had to get up in front of her class and read it. What a fabulous job she did. Not Only was it well written, reflective, and well researched but the presentation showed that she was completely comfortable, confident and self-aware. I was in awe, I’m a 32-year-old woman who is married, has her dream job and is loving life but in less than 5 minutes I realized this young girl at 13 has more confidence, self-awareness, and self-appreciation for her self than I ever could have at this point in my life.
Junior high is a rough year, you have so many hormonal changes going on, the kids are starting to truly realize their true strengths and weakness, their starting to establish their future goals and ambitions. The whole world is in the palm of their hands at that age, they’re unstoppable. I realize not all junior high students are as lucky as this one student, and that for some their self-confidence is at an all-time low. But I once was her, so where did it all go?

How many of us women have forgotten that the most important person in your life is you. Without a positive self-worth  how are we supposed to be the best wives, friends, and mothers we can be.  Self-worth comes from being self aware. So in what point of my life did I stop being self aware?

I’ve had a lot of changes in the last couple years, is that when it happened? I moved across the country last year with my fiancé (we were married a month after we moved), this completely uprooted my life. I left behind the most amazing friends and we still talk all the time but our lives were entwined for so long I feel lost without them. I left three amazing jobs, I didn’t need to work three jobs but I loved them all so much, they were all rewarding and fulfilling. Due to working three jobs I had a constant income and could do or buy what I wanted. I was super active with hiking, skiing, and sports, therefore I was in fairly good shape and I had the most wonderful and loving fiancé. My life was full and complete. Then the move happened, the only thing that was the same was my amazing fiancé. Other then that, I went from being an independent woman who had her own life, friends, income, etc., to relying on my husband financially and socially. Right after the move, I went into a tizzy of sorts keeping myself busy with wedding plans, painting our house, buying furniture, and then it was all done. All of a sudden I had nothing to do, I had zero friends because I was new, I had no job and I fell into a rut. I lost motivation for exercising I had no one but my dog to go hiking and walking with me. My husband was gone for work 16 days of the month. I felt alone, I felt unmotivated, uninspired and unfulfilled. I’d lost my purpose, some days I felt like I time warped back to the 50’s as my only job was to keep the house clean, cook dinner and keep my husband happy. Was that my new purpose? ‘I’d lost my self-esteem, not being as active as I was I lost some muscle and felt squishy and gross. Has this all led me to forget about my  self-awareness?

Things have been improving everyday. I now have two jobs but both are casual so even though they are fulfilling they aren’t as rewarding as they could be if I was full time. I’ve made friends, it will take time to make close connections, like the ones I still have in my life with my girls back home, but it’s coming. I still feel out of shape, like I should be ashamed of my body, but my motivation is still so low (quitting smoking isn’t no helping with this) that I start trying to get in a workout routine but can never stick it out. Even though some things are looking up, this speech has given me cause to reflect on my self-awareness. I know  that I have not gained back my self-confidence and I have not gained back my self-worth.  How do I remind myself that I am beautiful, I am important and that my life has purpose? And truly what are my motives and desires? I honestly at this point don’t know, but hope it will come in time.

The one thing I do know is that it’s inspiring that a young student, someone who will lead our future, is the one who made me sit back and reflect and realize something that I lost along the way.

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